Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
