he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
You need a sexual gate keeper
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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