You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
