you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
