I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Randomize
