yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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