Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
You've changed since you got that strap on
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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