Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
