Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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