I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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