the only muscles i have these days is kegels
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Drunk is a universal language darling
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
