6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
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