Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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