I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
