I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
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