I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Best friends brother. Beat that.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
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