Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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