the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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