so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
