i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
