i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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