cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
