Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I will pee on everything he values.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Randomize
