sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
