Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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