Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Mom said you looked used
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
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