K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
