just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
cat food counts as protein by the way
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
