Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
As shirtless as possible
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
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