Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
this hospital has no fireball
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
