Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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