Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
