Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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