I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
