Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Randomize
