Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
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