you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize