So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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