When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize