After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
