After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
