I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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