i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
