five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
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