He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
