he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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