his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry ð¬
when your dumb AF ex âaccidentallyâ venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... âsorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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