I bet he comes in French.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
