Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
