whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
