i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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