Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
