You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize
