I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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