I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Randomize
