Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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