What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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