At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
