He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Randomize
