Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Someone signed my nipple.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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