Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I puked a lego.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
