Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
