i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
She bit a glass in half.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
