There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
