dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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