they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
