I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
