Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
