I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
