I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
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