I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
