I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
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