I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize