Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
