Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
