We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize