So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
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