i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
