he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Can I color on your dick again?
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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