I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
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