you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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