you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
