You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
