I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Non-Jews are for practice
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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