You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize