Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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