I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
