I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Randomize
