drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
