Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
