Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Randomize
