If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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