I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
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