I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
