i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
