you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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