Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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