It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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