true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize