Well apparently he's into motor boating.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
