It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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