do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Reggie can tackle my bush.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
