On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Randomize
