Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
