u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
