dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Randomize
