Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
