Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Randomize
