I want to stick my p in your. b.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
That's how pantless uber rides happen
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize