STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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