Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
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