I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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