I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
