1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
