Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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