I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
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