Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
