The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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