I'm drive I can fine osifer
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
