Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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