So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
