there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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